average

this is the exact reason as to why i hardly ever try anymore in school.

as much as i really do love learning, i can't bear the fact of getting my test scores back and getting a grade that i don't think i deserved.

i think letters are a poor way of determining someone's knowledge of something. sure, it's something that shows the professor and the outside world where you fall in a category, but does that mean i'm just an average person? ...sometimes even falling below average? it sure makes someone feel pretty shitty about themselves.

that's why i don't like trying in school. i don't like studying my ass off and getting a test back and seeing a "below average" on my test. does that mean that my full potential and trying my hardest, i STILL can't rise up to "excellence"? one may say, "you just gotta study harder, you gotta try harder." but no.. it's not always so simple. just because YOU'RE able to do it, doesn't mean every single person can do it too. "studying as hard as you can" doesn't always cut it. ...it never seemed like it for me.

maybe i'm giving up too easily, but maybe it's just because i'm scared of seeing that even though i put my 110% out there, i only "deserve" 70% of it. time and time over again, it's happened and i've found myself not trying as hard to save myself from shame and embarrassment of my ego.

thank you for reading, happy studies.

ignorance

wanna know what this is called? it's called fucking ignorant.

...and, "go back home?" uhhh... why don't you guys go back to where YOU'RE from originally too. it sure ain't America, that's for sure.

change

i hate to admit it, but i'm terrified of change.

happy birthday

because the older you get, birthday's just don't seem as special anymore.

beauty in the breakdown

frosted flakes

it all started sometime last week when my roommates and i went to get some yogurt. i put my usual toppings on and saw that there were frosted flakes as a choice, so i threw some in.

it's funny how one taste of something like frosted flakes can bring you back to the good ol' days.

the days where you're sitting in front of the tv, watching cartoons, in your onesie and your biggest worry is being able to catch the next episode of power rangers.

it's weird that, that one taste can have you reminiscing for hours.

i got to thinking..

when we're kids, all we want to do is grow up. but as adults, all we want to do is be a child again. we want to grow up so fast, but when the time comes, all we ever wish for is to have the innocence of a child again.

i remember in elementary, i wanted to be in junior high so bad.

when i was 12, i wanted to be 13 (to be an official "teenager") so bad.

in 8th grade, i wanted to go to high school so bad.

in high school, i savored my moments as a senior but didn't want to go anywhere because my school and my friends were my safe haven for me.

life goes on, and college started.

as soon as college started, i couldn't wait for one semester to finish after another. finals week would push me over the edge and i would catch myself saying, "i can't wait for this semester to be over."

well, you get what you wish for. of course we can't stop time, but we can savor the moments. unfortunately for me, i didn't. i was always on the go; always wanted to grow up.

i haven't lost that little kid in me but it makes me sad to think how fast time goes by.

one minute, we're giggling over our school boy crushes, and the next minute, you find yourself with the love of your life (who most likely wasn't that school-boy crush).

time really does fly and it's so important to remember where you came from, and the memories you had as a child. those memories will be held dear to you, and will be something you can always look back to... even if it just to smile and reminisce.

all talk, no show.

i'm starting to not believe you anymore.