thank you.

... because we need more people like this.

i believe in the good in humanity.

can i get a #2?

i'm taking a class on how to teach children proper health and physical education. not only is this teaching me how to become a well rounded teacher, but it's opening my eyes on MY health.

i can't be going to two different drive thru's just to ease my cravings. (going to mcdonalds for their chicken nuggets and kfc around the corner for their wings). it shouldn't be like this. i should have enough self control. i don't want to wait until it's too late.

i want to be able to stop being lazy.. cuz i admit. i am one lazy ass mofo. i've always said, "you only live once." but why. why take that and blow it out of the waters and not even care about what i put into my body. i only live once, yes. but i want to live it at my fullest potential. my future and everything i have going for me is starting off wonderful. why end it a little earlier just because i wanted to have that one cheeseburger. i was able to cut out fast food couple years back and forget it completely. so why can't i do it now?

i will.

is there such thing as perfect?

here we are again. about to celebrate our most amazing year we have spent together. i couldn't ask for anything else.

things have been UH-MAY-ZING.

we've learned so much from each other this year. ups and downs included. it's been a journey; a journey that will continue.

i've done a turn around with school. things are finally falling into place. i finally got a job (after nearly 1.5 years of being unemployed!) graduating soon... hopefully. rocky is finally potty trained (for the most part) and broken past relationships have been renewed - working on, at least.

life is good. i can't complain. i have a roof over my head. i have unconditional love from my parents and the 2 men in my life. i have a job (finally!!), and i owe it all to the man upstairs.

much needed.

i think we needed that.

time and distance makes the heart grow fonder.

and this love will last. because we're a team.

you make loving you so easy. so real.

make it work.

"My problems are yours, and yours are mine.

this can only be as good as we both make it.

guess sometimes it's gonna hurt.

we can be as happy as we want to be boy, but we gotta make it work.

we gotta make it work.."

I believe in us, because I love us.

time.

wow. i can't believe it's already 2:00AM.

i've been sitting in front of my computer for 2 hours. this little thing in front of me can really consume someone. pictures are always fun/interesting to look at.

i woke up today with a really weird dream. and it's been bugging me all day.

why do we dream?

what do the dreams mean?

i've been a weird funk today.

maybe it's this fire.

maybe it's not getting enough sleep.

maybe it's........ .. . . ....

not ready.

i'm not ready to go back to school.

i'm not ready to leave my little rocky.

i'm not ready to give up days of not going to LL.

summer has been too good to me.

my heart.

i owe my mother everything.

ever since she was on her own with supporting me and my sister, i can't help shed a tear whenever i talk/think about her. just because we don't give her enough credit for what she has done for us.

i owe her everything. and have yet to pay with all the love and support i can give whenever i can.

love

i love us.

i love going to see him friday afternoon, with Rocky.

i love the phone calls i get from him, just updating me on Rocky when he has him over the weekend.

i love when us three nap together, with Rocky in the middle of us.

open the door.

you keep me on my toes. 

"open the door." 

"you're such a liar."

"open the door."

(i can hear the same set of keys jingling on my line of the phone, and on the other side of door to my apartment)

"NO WAY! YOURE LYING!!!"

*the handle turns*

"SURPRIIIISSSEEEE!!!"

each day, i'm falling more and more in love with you.

let's try.

i believe in us to make this distance and your chaotic schedule, to work.

where my heart is

home. 

i finally found it.

with him, and his.

and i've learned to accept what's been thrown at me when it comes to the struggle that us 3 have to get by, especially through hard times. 

i came home last night, sighed, and mumbled to myself saying, "home" before hopping into my bed

text me.

"mom, text me."

"..okay"

"wait, you know how to text?"

"yeah! you taught me!"

that was our conversation a couple days ago on our way to dinner.

i'm in Fullerton tonight and she really didn't want me to come because it's still winter break and she wanted me to stay in Pasadena with her.

I just thought about her randomly and decided to text her. Wondering if she would text me back or just call me, because she would give up on the whole texting spiel. She texted me back.

 

me: i will be home this weekend. im changing my oil tomorrow. on thursday im going to be in san diego for a couple of days. im at the apartment watching tv. love you.

mom: (3 minutes later, surprisingly) Any money u have? Take care. Love u 2. ;)

...this makes me really miss my mom and wanna just drive home and spend time with her. even though i've only been away from home 2 days.

2009.

i've had this blog for a year now.

i want to start new, especially with him.

one thing i do want, and am working towards: the close relationship with my mom that i had lost because of bad influences and my rebellious stage i went through these last 2 years. it's getting better. and i wouldn't want to screw it up over my selfishness and stubbornness. and i wont.