average

this is the exact reason as to why i hardly ever try anymore in school.

as much as i really do love learning, i can't bear the fact of getting my test scores back and getting a grade that i don't think i deserved.

i think letters are a poor way of determining someone's knowledge of something. sure, it's something that shows the professor and the outside world where you fall in a category, but does that mean i'm just an average person? ...sometimes even falling below average? it sure makes someone feel pretty shitty about themselves.

that's why i don't like trying in school. i don't like studying my ass off and getting a test back and seeing a "below average" on my test. does that mean that my full potential and trying my hardest, i STILL can't rise up to "excellence"? one may say, "you just gotta study harder, you gotta try harder." but no.. it's not always so simple. just because YOU'RE able to do it, doesn't mean every single person can do it too. "studying as hard as you can" doesn't always cut it. ...it never seemed like it for me.

maybe i'm giving up too easily, but maybe it's just because i'm scared of seeing that even though i put my 110% out there, i only "deserve" 70% of it. time and time over again, it's happened and i've found myself not trying as hard to save myself from shame and embarrassment of my ego.

thank you for reading, happy studies.

ignorance

wanna know what this is called? it's called fucking ignorant.

...and, "go back home?" uhhh... why don't you guys go back to where YOU'RE from originally too. it sure ain't America, that's for sure.

change

i hate to admit it, but i'm terrified of change.

happy birthday

because the older you get, birthday's just don't seem as special anymore.

beauty in the breakdown

frosted flakes

it all started sometime last week when my roommates and i went to get some yogurt. i put my usual toppings on and saw that there were frosted flakes as a choice, so i threw some in.

it's funny how one taste of something like frosted flakes can bring you back to the good ol' days.

the days where you're sitting in front of the tv, watching cartoons, in your onesie and your biggest worry is being able to catch the next episode of power rangers.

it's weird that, that one taste can have you reminiscing for hours.

i got to thinking..

when we're kids, all we want to do is grow up. but as adults, all we want to do is be a child again. we want to grow up so fast, but when the time comes, all we ever wish for is to have the innocence of a child again.

i remember in elementary, i wanted to be in junior high so bad.

when i was 12, i wanted to be 13 (to be an official "teenager") so bad.

in 8th grade, i wanted to go to high school so bad.

in high school, i savored my moments as a senior but didn't want to go anywhere because my school and my friends were my safe haven for me.

life goes on, and college started.

as soon as college started, i couldn't wait for one semester to finish after another. finals week would push me over the edge and i would catch myself saying, "i can't wait for this semester to be over."

well, you get what you wish for. of course we can't stop time, but we can savor the moments. unfortunately for me, i didn't. i was always on the go; always wanted to grow up.

i haven't lost that little kid in me but it makes me sad to think how fast time goes by.

one minute, we're giggling over our school boy crushes, and the next minute, you find yourself with the love of your life (who most likely wasn't that school-boy crush).

time really does fly and it's so important to remember where you came from, and the memories you had as a child. those memories will be held dear to you, and will be something you can always look back to... even if it just to smile and reminisce.

all talk, no show.

i'm starting to not believe you anymore.

the girl from Pasadena

"Them work pants couldn't hide the love in them hips,
Call it bad taste but this girl was the shit.
It's the way that hair net kinda covered up her ear
Had me askin why the f--- she was even workin here.
But next time I get hungry I'ma drive to Pasadena
Cuz I just gotta see her me linda cocina"

the little things

it's the little things that matter the most to me.

ISFJ

I – Introversion

S – Sensing

F – Feeling

J – Judgment

According to Keirsey, ISFJs, or "Protector Guardians", are most concerned with taking care of people by keeping them safe and secure. They are modest caretakers who do not demand credit or thanks for their efforts. But while they are essentially compassionate—and in fact exercise more patience in dealing with the disabled than perhaps any other type—their shyness with strangers can lead others to misread them as standoffish. Only among friends and family may this quiet type feel comfortable speaking freely. ISFJs are serious people with a strong work ethic, not inclined to self-indulgence. They believe in being meticulous and thrifty. They work well alone. While they may enjoy taking care of others, they do not enjoy giving orders.

According to Myers-Briggs, ISFJs are interested in maintaining order and harmony in every aspect of their lives. They are steadfast and meticulous in handling their responsibilities. Although quiet, they are people-oriented and very observant. Not only do they remember details about others, but they observe and respect others’ feelings. Friends and family are likely to describe them as thoughtful and trustworthy.

on point. to a T.

chitty chitty

"Tell me baby, what's your story,

Where you come from and where you wanna go this time.
Tell me lover are you lonely?
The thing we need is never all that hard to find.
You're so lovely are you lonely?
Giving up on the innocence you left behind."

time of our lives

sleep is for the weak.

hi mommy

...how can you NOT cry after watching this?

tomatoes

i'm sitting here with the house to myself, music blaring from my sound system, dogs asleep, and just finished moping the floor, vacuuming, and cleaning.

i feel so old.

...but i don't mind. something so therapeutic about cleaning and just being by yourself.

don't get me wrong, i LOVE being around people, but it's those days where you do absolutely NOTHING and being okay with it.

it's going to bed at 4am every night and waking up at 2pm the next day.

it's watching re-runs of TV shows and movies that you've seen for the millionth time.

it's being in your PJ's 23 hours of the days (minus the 1 hour you HAVE to change to go out to do SOMETHING)

it's staring off into space and not thinking about anything.

i deserve this though. i've been on the go for so long that i think it's just my mind telling me to slow down, relax, and enjoy the time i get until work and school starts up again.

i know i'm getting old because i like tomatoes now. i've never liked tomatoes.